kjelseheartsjesus's Xanga

Friday, November 13, 2009

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:59:45 GMT

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Update

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:13:26 GMT

I need to write here more often....

Wedding plans are moving along quite nicely. So are plans for what we're doing after we're getting married. We think we found some apartments we can move into while he finishes college, so that's good :

Ughhh...the main reason I'm writing this right now at 5:06 in the morning is because I am extremely tired. I don't know if I've been this tired in my life. I slept from 2-4-ish, but I guess I didn't get much sleep the night before, either. I accidentally signed up for a 10 p.m.-2 a.m. shift and a 4 a.m.-8 a.m. shift. Bad idea. So I'm doing whatever I can necessary to stay awake and sane--my emotions are going crazy from the lack of sleep, and my body just feels sick. I do have one more Mountain Dew in the fridge (I already had a large chai tea latte and a Mountain Dew), but the thought of all that sugar and sweetness is not appealing.

Although, honestly, if I'm going to be writing, I shouldn't be writing this. I should be writing my NaNoWriMo novel. I have somewhere around 4.5k words and it really should be double that by tonight. Saturday is going to be novel-writing day for me. I'm excited about where my novel is going--it involves espionage, God, real feelings in a world that was turned upside-down. :)

~Kjelse

emotions

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:59:59 GMT

I'm stressed. sad. confused. excited. ecstatic. yearning. regretful. happy. thrilled. frustrated. content. scared. never been better.

I have the whole gamut of emotions running through me at various times. a year from now, it'll all be over. I'll be married. But for now, I have to plan the wedding, say goodbye to my parents and siblings and thanks for the past 20 years of my life, say goodbye to my fiance as I leave on Sunday for another semester of school 16 hours away, get over conflicts of interest in wedding planning, and keep my focus on Jesus.

and it's tough. 4 months. 4 months I'll be graduated. oh yeah, which reminds me, I have to say goodbye to the relationships and life I've developed at LeTU. the life that I've had for only 2 years--2 1/2 come December. not the full 4. goodbye to my favorite job I've ever had--working security at LeTU.

and 4 months. 4 months I'll be married.

It's like a snowball--my life took a sudden turn this past Sunday, and it's picking up speed as the ball heads downhill. it's hitting rocks, like the goodbyes that have to take place. and honestly, those are the biggest rocks. There are smaller ones (which are pretty stressful themselves), such as the church being booked on the one December date Jordan and I can get married. but I'm having a super tough time getting ready to leave my family. Essentially, with fall/thanksgiving breaks included, I have a total of 2 weeks left with them under their roof. I'm extremely close to them, so it's very, very hard.

......

yet I'm so excited for the wedding--Jordan's and my relationship has gotten so intense. It's good we're getting married in December. The sooner the better. We're having a harder time being away from each other...and I'm still at home! He's the person I want next to me all the time, whatever I do. God has developed an incredible love story for us, and it's finally culminating in our marriage! so I'm absolutely ecstatic and thrilled and just everything good.

Those lyrics by Katy Perry go well with me, changed a little. "I'm up and I'm down, I'm yes and I'm no, I'm in and I'm out, I'm hot and I'm cold."

But this is what God wants us to do. So we're doing it. and we'll get through conflicts in our relationship about the wedding planning. and we'll get through the goodbyes. Married life is a whole 'nother stage of life, so I'll be very preoccupied with it, rather than being preoccupied with who I'm without. Cuz now I'm with the one person I want to be with!

if anyone has any tips on being married or whatever, let me know!!

(by the way, point blank, we did not change the date from May to December because I'm pregnant--I'm not. Logistically it just works out way better, in terms of where we live and what I'm doing, etc.)

Green?

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:54:42 GMT

Colors are pretty powerful, if you think about it. I get depressed when I see yellow on a rainy day. Why? I don't know. I feel calmer when I see blue, although if it's a brighter blue, like aqua, I get excited. White makes me very happy, and black is mysterious--and dark. Red is one of the most powerful colors--it's the color of blood, of love, of heat.

My favorite author (other than Tolkien) is Ted Dekker. Dekker wrote a trilogy of books called the Circle Trilogy. Each of these books is named after a color. The first one is Black, the second Red, the third White. The naming follows the emotions and images these colors bring up. Black=something is horribly wrong. Red=it may be able to get better, but something unseen and terribly sad must happen first. White=victory. And this trilogy is incredible--yes, it follows a standard plot line, but only at the most basic level: problem-->solution. And even then, Dekker decided to twist it around.

Like the name implies, his story is a circle. Not one of those "A causes B causes C causes A"--that's more like a linear circle. Rather, it is a circle that has dimension--everything is interconnected and woven together. It is not a flat linear circle; it is a ball. You can't have one thing without another.

And now, he has completed the trilogy with a 4th book. How can a trilogy have a 4th book? It is book 0. It is the beginning and the end of the trilogy. And its color is Green--the color of life.

I am excited to read this last/first book. I am excited to see what is happening, what is connected, what is all related to the one man, Thomas Hunter, who travels between two separate, yet interrelated, worlds--and saves them both in an epic story of joy, of failure, of tears and sorrow, of blood, and of victory. I want to see how LIFE all plays together.

If you've never read the Circle Trilogy, you have GOT to read them. But start with Green, now that it is coming out. Go to http://teddekker.com/readgreen and enter 4943 in the Forest Guard # part. Pre-order it--you won't regret it!

~Kjelse

A Dream Come True--I'm Engaged!!

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 15:38:43 GMT

Tonight, God answered a prayer that I have prayed since I was 12. I prayed often that I would marry the first person I date--I wanted my future husband to have a completely untainted, unmarred heart, mind, and body from me. I didn't know if God would grant me that, and there were times where I wished I could date sooner than 18. But God had a plan, and he orchestrated events in such a specific way that I met Jordan Scott Rittmeyer, became best friends with him, and eventually started dating him. And God led us to fall in love and to seriously consider a permanent future together. Tonight, that future has been made official.

Tonight, Jordan asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

We were planning on having a nice evening together, eating a formal dinner at his house and recording some music of his. I arrived straight from work in jeans and a hoodie, carrying my formal dress for the dinner inside, and we went up to his room to record. We recorded a scratch track (basically a test track) for one song, and then he had his brother Nathanael video us for a "scholarship contest" that has to with music. Just before he started playing, Jordan said, "I just got a great idea for a song! Let me play it and later we can work on it." Then, with Nathanael still videotaping, he began playing and singing a song I had never heard before--a song about our relationship, the ups and downs and tears and joys. The verse built up to the chorus, and as he began the chorus, he knelt down on one knee and sang, "Will you marry me? Will you say 'I do'? Will you stay with me, night and day..."

I sat there, stunned and smiling, thinking "I can't believe this! He's proposing to me right now!" At the end of the song, he pulled a ring out of his shirt pocket and strummed the last several chords, singing, "Kjelse, will you marry me?" He held it out as I whispered "yes" and fumbled my purity ring off my left ring finger. He put the platinum band with the sparkling solitaire on my finger, and we stood up and hugged tightly as we kissed.

I still couldn't believe it for a while. Our meal was incredible--Mrs. Rittmeyer cooked some delicious pork, grilled green beans, sweet potato/baked potato, sweet corn, salad, and rolls (and finished off with a heavenly smooth French silk pie), and we toasted our engagement with sparkling grape juice. We praised God through prayer--and God really takes all the glory for our relationship. He kept us together, even when it got tough, and He was the one who helped us not to have a very hard time with our relationship being long-distance.

He answered my prayer, too. Jordan is the first person I have dated and ever will date, the only person I will ever kiss. My Lord Jesus, thank you for this incredible gift! I cannot express to you all my feelings, but you know what they are--I love you more than words could ever say (so I can't wait to tell you in heaven, when hopefully my speech will be much more adequate)!

Jordan, I love you so very much, and I am honored and blessed to be your future wife! I hope to respect and love and serve you in whatever capacity I can, whatever way God ordains for me. You will be a wonderful husband, and I LOVE YOU!!!!

Not Your Ordinary Spring Break

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 03:14:12 GMT

Spring break for my college is officially March 14-22, but mine officially starts tomorrow, the 12th. I am not going home, to the beach, or even on a missions trip, like last year. I am going to Turkey--to the exotic country that is a confluence of Middle Eastern and European cultures, a clash of secular Muslims and religious Islamic tradition. I will be there for 10 days, visiting historical and biblical archaeological sites with 27 other students, 2 professors, and some guides. The students and professors are Christian, one guide is Israeli, and the other is a Turkish Muslim. So the mix of views will be very educational and interesting! Two classes are going (hence, the two professors): a Physical Settings of the Bible: Turkey class that I am in, and a Byzantium history class. I don't know my roommate, Annette, at all, so we will be getting to know each other on the bus and plane ride over (although I plan on sleeping, too--my life for the past several days has consisted of homework, eat, homework, class, homework, eat, homework, homework, homework until I fall asleep, wake up, and homework). It will be a wonderful break from schoolwork, even though this is an educational trip!

I am very excited :)

I am required to keep a travel journal, so I will update my blog with the journal whenever I get internet access.

See you on the other side!

~Kjelse

1 1/2 Semesters From Graduating...Goals Reached?

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 08:35:25 GMT

Before I came to LeTourneau, I made a list of goals I wanted to reach. I wanted to try to become the person I've always wanted to be. So I'm going to list them and see how well I did.

LeTourneau List of Actions

Don't freak out about grades--they don't matter on the resume (or diploma) anyways. An occasional B is fine, as long as I keep my GPA above 3.4 so that I can keep my scholarships. But I'm not going to study so hard I become exhausted and burned out (as I have in the past). Unless, of course, I'm about to fail a class for some reason or my GPA is going to fall below the standard. Good--although I did get a D in one class, and I did get the occasional B. But overall, doing pretty good with that.
Become more like Jesus--this one should have been at the top. But I will be doing daily devotions, and I want to emulate Him in everything that I do. Daily devos--on and off. But I've definitely grown a lot closer to God than when I came here! So it's been good, with ups and downs.
Become a friend. Become someone that people can come to for advice. I want to be someone people can trust, someone who can listen to others. I want to develop deep relationships with people, not just have shallower relationships. And I want to help others through anything that may come up. I've definitely developed some good relationships, so I think I achieved this pretty well...I think...haha you tell me!
Get involved. I want to join the Photo Club, Apologetics Club, maybe the Nursing Home Ministries, and YellowJacket Activities Council (although the latter requires an application after January 31 or something like that). I'll also be on the yearbook. Of course, I don't want to get overloaded with activities. I probably won't join all the clubs that I just listed; I'll have to pick and choose. Lol...I've gotten pretty involved. Definitely met this. Although the clubs/orgs. I got involved in are: Martial Arts Society, Anime Club, Public Reading of Scripture, Sigma Tau Delta (English Honor Society), yearbook, and newspaper (not necessarily at the same time).
Become a tutor. I would LOVE to tutor English!! I enjoy editing, and teaching English (I've subbed a couple times for my English teacher at Hallstrom). And don't be afraid to get a tutor--I'll probably need one for math and maybe for computer science. Not tutor--grader! So I met it in a different way. Although I prefer teaching to grading.
Take advantage of every opportunity--don't chicken out on anything. I will have 2 1/2 years at LeTU before I graduate, and I want to make those years the fullest I can. (Full on richness, not on "having no time at all to just relax") Met. A little bit to the extent of "having no time at all to just relax," although I haven't gotten exhausted or anything. So it's been met well.
Stay in touch with all my old friends!!!!!!! Obviously, I'll be in touch with Jordan basically every day through the webcam, but I don't want to lose my other friends. There are plenty of sites to keep the relationships going--e-mail, myspace, and facebook. Um....not so much. Unfortunately. :(
Prepare to be a wife. I will probably get married soon after I graduate, and I want to prepare to be a wonderful wife and eventually mother as best I can. Not as much as I wanted, although I'm still learning and Jordan's and my relationship has gone through rough and smooth spots, which has been good. And I've been observing other married couples' relationships and reading some on relationships, too, so I've prepared a little more than I had before.

Overall, I think I did fairly well on meeting my goals. I look back over the past year and a half and I'm pretty satisfied. There are things I would have done differently or changed, and there are things I wish I completed much better, but I think it's gone very well. My time at LeTourneau has been so far probably one of the best times of my life, in terms of fun and learning and getting acquainted with the "real world." And growing closer to Jesus--nothing can beat that! I'm so thankful for coming here and for the friends I have purely because of that one reason. And Jordan and I have grown a lot in our relationship, so that's been really good, too.

Toodle-oo,
Kjelse

Fragments

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 03:26:42 GMT

These are random fragments of stories that have come to my mind. They're all girls, because I'm a girl and when I think of stories I tend to place myself in them to see what the character would be thinking/feeling/doing. So that's why it's always a girl's perspective, because I have no idea what a boy would be thinking/feeling/doing. At least as much as a girl. (ok, I'm explaining way too much...)

************************************************************************************

“No,” she whispered darkly, her blue eyes staring intensely into his. “Don’t you realize? You are my fantasy. When I read books, when I read about love, I think of you and me. Edward is you—Mr. Darcy is you. My own characters are you. No matter how hard I try not to let it happen, you become my fantasy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tantalizing fragrance teased her senses, then suddenly consumed them. The smell of sweet things baking and of savory things cooking filled her being, and she turned her head toward the kitchen as if she did not have any control over her muscles. Everything felt like it was being scripted, and she had to obey. She kept walking, but her mouth began to water. “Not suppertime yet,” she thought to herself as it seemed she regained her control. She could swear that something had been manipulating her moves, though, as if she was a character in a novel. She pondered that thought—that would be interesting. She walked up the stairs. Even her thoughts appeared in her mind as words and sentences and occasionally pictures.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For a moment, the entire world stopped. She was in the middle of taking a breath, sweat flying off her forehead as her body twisted with the impact of his foot in her stomach. She saw the calm look on his face, the intense look in his chocolate eyes. His polo was tucked into his slightly worn jeans, and a holster containing the cold steel of a gun hung from his belt. How had it come to this? Had she really been investigating something that dangerous that they sent someone for her? Everything seemed surreal—was she really being hit that hard in the stomach right now? Her breath exploded out of her as the world started turning again. But it was turning slowly, and it was beginning to fade. She sunk to the ground as the pain shot through her body. She had no control over herself anymore, and it looked like she was looking through a tunnel that was slowly closing. Her hearing disappeared, too, as if cotton balls were being stuffed in her ears until she couldn’t hear anymore. The eyes of the agent, clouded and controlled, were the last thing she saw before consciousness left her entirely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She stood still, savoring the thrill of anticipation that ran through her body. Then she looked up towards the evening sky of twilight blue and early stars, bent her knees, and shot straight up off the ground. She willed herself higher, and she never came down from her jump. Instead, she kept going up. Adrenaline raced through her veins, and she took her eyes off the sky to watch the receding land. She was flying! The horizon was lined with gold, pink, and orange, and the higher she got the more color she could see from the sunset. “So this is what Superman feels like,” she mused. She put out both arms in front of her and, using swimming-like strokes, guided her path through the sky. She flew over the wilderness below and enjoyed the mountainous scenery. Then she stroked downwards, and gravity helped her speed increase as she plummeted toward the earth. At the last moment, she swung horizontal and upwards in a graceful arc, and the wind sung in her ears and played in her hair. She dodged the few clouds that were hovering in the evening sky, and her heart sang within her. “Lord, how amazing this is! Thank you so much!” she exclaimed out loud. Freedom coursed through her, and she reveled in it.

Yeah...I'm pretty excited!!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:11:43 GMT

Monday, January 12, 2009

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 01:33:20 GMT

Tonight I shared something to the junior high youth group that I've only shared with my closest friends and parents. I didn't go in detail or tell exactly what it was, but the ones who needed to hear it knew what it was. I knew God wanted me to say it, and my heart was pounding, and afterwards I was afraid I'd made a terrible mistake and that I shouldn't have said it. But when it was over, He confirmed it through someone. I'm not worthy of Him working through me...I don't know why He chose to use me because though I have stopped struggling in certain areas, I still struggle in others. I know no one is perfect, but certainly there are others even better for the job than me. But He is using me, and that is totally awesome and scary and humbling at the same time. It's something I've been praying for, something that I never knew how to approach, something that I didn't think would happen for a long time, something that I feel I'm not ready for yet.

I have dreams of what I want to do, but I've always thought these dreams could never come to fruition till I fixed certain things in my life. But God can still use me...I look at the girls around me and my heart hurts for them. Each of them has a story; each of them have struggles. I want to help them and I want them to know they're not alone and that others deal with the same things they do. And the thing I want specifically to help girls with isn't often talked about. But I'm going to change that, someday, because there are so many lies and misconceptions and so many girls take things to their graves that they shouldn't have to.

Freedom is an amazing thing, and too often chains look like freedom and freedom looks like chains. But once the first step is taken toward the real thing, the old chains come off and one realizes that The Truth Will Set You Free.

~Kjelse